from tat day onwards,
everyday,
i find a way to torture myself a bit...
imagining...
thinking...
wondering...
looking...
seeing...
i kno i sud let it go...
but ppl who knows me know it's hard...

i feel so sorry for hv happened...
i feel idiot for once feeling sad for ur life...
i feel dumb for ever open my heart and try to be ur fren...
i feel even silly for not knowing wut is beside me is a poison...

u sud hav nvr be so proud to expose ur wall of pride...
u sud hav nvr spoken a word so i can live like a fool...
u sud hav nvr let it out when i am in my most fragile moment...

but hey...
surprisingly... am doing better this time...
my tab is getting tighter hours by hours...
from big blast to small leakage to small drops...
maybe someday it actually will stop forever...
but then, is tat a nice thing to happen?

i dunno....

I am learning here..
hoping i will be okay...
so far so good...
yes i cry...
yes i miss...
but i don bang myself into the walls...
even when i see the lights going deemer..
even when i see the light going further...
i kno i have to grow up...
i kno wut would come will come...
i learn to love my computer a lot...
learn not to hate it like i used to...
learn to find joy in the world of net...
i learn to be alright...

tomolo is the first day of sch...
how would tat be?
i hope is as smooth as how i feel so far...
even lotsa unsmooth around...
even when one barrier comes after another...
i learn to live my life...

i live my day in silence...
bringing my empty body around...
i blank my brain...
but my eyes tremble in tears...
i hold them back...
by looking away all the time...
i drown myself with stress...
burden myself with work...
in bed...
silence took over me...
i let go my tab...
let it drain all my energy away...
comfort myself with my "d"...
n let all that put me to bed...

good nite~